“The language of the body is the key than can unlock the soul.”
-Konstantin Stanislavsky
Russian Actor
(1863 - 1938)
“Open your ears before you open your mouth, it may surprise your eyes.”
-Earl Nightingale
Motivational Writer & Author
(1921-1989)
How do we create the complete communication “package” that lets your counterpart know they’ve been heard?
Expanding on the concept of Interchange which we spoke about last week, let's look at non-verbal communication: gestures, eye contact and body language. How does becoming aware of these help you?
Awareness is being still and looking outward, with focus and interest on the other person. It’s being in tune with the surroundings, feeling the “air” in the room and “reading” the other person. Notice the non-verbal cues that help you “read” your counterpart. How’s their body language? Slouched, bored, asleep? Or sitting up, attentive and interested? What about eye contact? Where’s their focus? Is it on you or the touch screen in their hand? Your ability to sense the tone and mood of your counterpart and respond accordingly is key to how they will receive you and your spoken message. If you sense something is “off,” stop, indicate and question, e.g. "Is it just me or did a gust of chill wind just enter the conference room?" Don't blindly press forward with your agenda.
Awareness means getting out of your own head. At your next meeting, look around the client’s office. Everyone comments on the obvious – the 8’ x 10’ artwork behind the desk – but does anyone notice the small intricate sculpture next to the family photos? Show sincere interest. Have you heard the same story from other clients 1,000 times already? This time, you may hear something new…because you were open to listening to them. Don’t assume you’ve heard it before. Treat your last appointment on Friday as if it were Monday morning. Your energy and excitement will be appreciated! Thinking about plans for the weekend? Stay on task – there’s still work to do! Notice your own eye contact – is it scattered or is it focused and real – is there a true connection with your counterpart?
It’s impossible to step in the same river twice – each moment is a new opportunity…to learn, to connect, to go deeper – to ultimately be changed by what you hear. By being still and focusing outward on what is said (and left unsaid), your attention is right where it needs to be: on your counterpart. Doing this creates an environment that’s safe for opening up, sharing and unlocking the soul.
Applications
Personal: Be aware of how others are “reading” you. Be outwardly focused – it helps you get out of your own head.
At Home: Stop what you’re doing. Look with warmth and interest. Listen – genuinely listen - to your partner, kids or parents. Even if they’ve said the same thing 1,000 times before, listen as if it’s the first time. You may learn something while deepening the relationships to those closest to you.
At Work: “Read” your counterpart(s) and the room – slow down and give yourself more time to consider what you have absorbed and be prepared to tailor on the fly. Create strong connections by noticing the smaller details, sustaining eye contact and being interested.
Surprise your eyes and listen before you speak! To unlock the soul requires the complete package.
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