Poised for Outrage!

“Don't understand me so quickly!”

– Yul Brynner as Chris in "The Magnificent Seven"
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Have you noticed that people are “Poised for outrage”? Cutting you off halfway through a sentence? That they see you as “evil incarnate” before they've heard your entire premise? Especially when there's an emotional charge in the air? There are lots of reasons: high-pressure circumstances, high speed technology and, of course, microwave popcorn. Everything moves faster these days – faster than we can process. Because of this, we should take more time to fully consider our response. Shouldn’t it take longer to decide than it takes to read the message? While we can connect quickly today, it still takes time to fully understand the intention of the sender. Comprehension requires actual consideration. I wonder if many of us are looking for confirmation of what we already believe, rather than a reasoned discussion of an issue.

There may be something deeper and perhaps darker here as well – the “magnetic desire for opposition.” Remember the elementary school magnets and the “field effect” where the two opposite poles would line up and snap together? Is there a similar effect in discourse? An individual makes a point, the field effect kicks in and people “click into opponency” while “understanding too quickly!” Nice, neat, immediate and probably incorrect. Too many “instant polar opposites” out there? So many “soul of evil” opponents... We're skeptical of any conclusion arrived at in seconds, or even minutes. Yet all over the public sphere, people begin speaking, others "understand them as enemies" – in nanoseconds. Apparently, the universe abounds with “field effects.” It’s emotionally satisfying to be “Right!” while simultaneously making others “Wrong;” but this magnetic desire tends to overpower reason or thoughtful response.

We fail to take time to reflect and consider fully not just what people are saying, but what they mean by it, and what their underlying intentions are. If we “understand the other side too quickly,” then allow the field effect to take over and place us into a neatly arranged opponency, we miss the chance to understand the depth of the other person’s reason and character. If we act too quickly, we might miss another person who has something to teach, a unique viewpoint or a gift of truthful perception.

Of course, we can find ourselves in the opposite situation – “clicking into instant support” before a complete thought has been expressed. Many times our friends and colleagues are likely to “gloss over” the nuances in our position.  While they are quick to express their commitment, they may not have grasped what they are being loyal to – and this unqualified overwhelming support does a grave disservice to a true position.

Conclusions: Poised for Outrage? Poised for Agreement? Instantly jumping to conclusions that support our pre-existing beliefs. It’s built into the human condition. Only time and consideration allow us to penetrate the depth of an argument. Black or white are easy to perceive – and often fall victim to the field effect. Shades of grey and nuanced logic require a certain depth of discernment that only comes with time.

What's the take-away?

As an individual: resolve not to interrupt. “Listen the other person out.” Allow the urge to react to pass before responding.

As a professional: recognize that a “perceived opponency or support” might be “artificial.” Take time to allow reason to work and suggest ways that both parties can win. We think that in corporate life, “slower is often better.”

As a family member: notice that in close emotional quarters, the field effect is always poised to position the other in an all too easy and all too satisfying position of “selected elected opponency.” Don't buy it. “Listen your sister, mate or partner out” and then allow reason – and a loftier purpose – to work.

Do everyone a service – hold out for the deep understanding. Few of us carry guns anymore, and this is no longer a western, but “Don't understand me so quickly!” is still great advice.

 
 
 
 
 
 

No Excuses

"I’m hopeful that the reforms that the secretary and the administration are undertaking will resolve the flaws in the current system that I inherited."
– S. Elizabeth Birnbaum
  Outgoing Director of the Minerals Management Service
 

 

What has happened to taking responsibility? Or assuming it? There’s certainly enough blame to go around…and lots of excuses and explaining. In fact, there’s an epidemic of blame! Excuses…Finding fault…Pointing fingers…A collective “throwing up of hands”…Anything but honestly taking responsibility. Instead, to avoid blame we seek to make others guilty.

Corporations, governments and individuals go to great lengths to avoid blame. Have you read a user’s
manual lately?

“Don’t use hair dryer while sleeping.”
“This TV remote is not dishwasher safe.”
“Caution – contents of coffee cup are hot.”
“500 piece jigsaw puzzle – some assembly required.”
“Do not use microwave oven for drying pets.”
“Wearing this Superman costume does not enable you
  to fly.”

Even the dry cleaner is culpable. He returns your clean, pressed shirts with broken buttons and points to the sign on the wall “Not responsible for broken buttons.” Of course, what we really need is a cleaner who will be responsible for a wearable clean shirt…

Blame is merely an excuse. It’s a way to lay guilt on others for one’s own failure to engage. When something goes wrong, the point is not to blame, excuse or explain it away. The objective is to take responsibility. “That’s my problem – I’m going to make it right!”

Excuses have no value; they don’t solve or improve anything. Excuses can be accepted, but they can’t be traded. Try paying for a burger in exchange for a second hand excuse…

Responsibility is "the ability to cause, admit causing and refrain from causing.” I bought the coffee. I know it’s hot. I’m taking my chances driving my car with a cup of hot coffee in my hand. If it spills, do I sue the coffee shop or take responsibility for the choice I made – no matter the outcome. People who are responsible are more interested in making things happen and improving things than they are in laying or ducking blame. They create products and services that can be exchanged with confidence. No blame. No excuses.

It’s not a blame-free world yet. So, anytime you’re in a situation where it’s tempting to blame others, ask yourself “What can I be responsible for?” “How can I make this situation better?” If more of us take responsibility – and keep our word – the world will be a more productive place. Step up to the plate!

How would your Executive Instruction Manual read?

Caution, contents under pressure!
Break glass only when responsible leadership is required.

Finding Cornersones

"Turn left where the old oak tree used to be!"
– Anonymous

Under Water

Minneapolis Star Tribune / Landov

TimePhotos.com

I asked directions on a country road in Louisiana. The old gentleman said, "Go down the road a piece, and turn left where the old oak tree used to be. Then go on 'bout five mile. You'll meet up with the freeway presently!"

He was so matter of fact about it, that I had gone a "piece" before I realized I had no earthly idea where the old oak tree used to be! His landmark was REAL to him long after the actual tree was history. The memory had substance and meaning for him that no outsider could understand.

We use landmarks (trees, clock towers, buildings, etc.) to assist us in navigating from place to place, then to firmly locate ourselves once we've arrived (Hey. I'm in New York, at the Waldorf, under
the clock!).

After a crisis, there's physical damage of course, but that's just the visible stuff. What's perhaps more insidious is the damage you can't see: the disorientation and the sense of hopelessness. As one of our neighbors said, "Katrina didn’t just f*** with our house, it also f***** with our heads!"

Noticing how debilitating it seemed when disaster overturned all the trees, clock towers and homes, it became slowly clear to me that the damage was not just physical, but intellectual and spiritual.

There was safety at risk, but also orientation (Where am I?), and certainty... (Who am I?). If the things we identify with are destroyed, our very identity can seem to be at risk as well.

It turns out, we “identify" with our physical, mental and spiritual landmarks, (We call them “Cornerstones”) and take some measure of our "personhood" from each – our work, our partners, our homes, towns, cars, industries and nation and when disaster strikes, many of our Cornerstones can be overturned, dislodged or destroyed – with powerful effect.

It’s the job of leaders, in the family, the town and the workplace, to put “Cornerstones In Place.” To explain the game to the players. To make it clear what we do here; what we stand for and how we play. Also, to re-install or recover Cornerstones after a crisis – when people desperately need to re-orient themselves – physically, mentally and spiritually.

What to do:

As an individual, the first challenge in life is to select your own Cornerstones which comprise your own unique point of view. What am I here for? How do I want to work, play and connect with others? Where do I choose to live? What is important to me? And how do I make this known to others?

As a family member, work to explain the Cornerstones to all the members; so they’re not just assumed, but really understood. (It’s the intangible Cornerstones that are sometimes the hardest to make clear.)

At work, seek to discover what the Cornerstones actually are! What do we do here? Why? For what kind of exchange? What style, attitude and methods make this place unique? What’s my “place?” How do I fit in?

As a manager, you are the Director of Orientation! "Here’s the game. Here’s how we do it. Here’s your role. Here’s what makes us special. Get to it!"

The hardest thing after a crisis is "getting back to it." Establishing, re-discovering, maintaining and putting people in touch with the firm's Cornerstones can help everyone find the oak tree!

Promises made... Promises kept!

"The large print giveth and the small print taketh away..."

   Tom Waits
   American Singer/Songwriter
   (1949-)

 
 
   
   





There've been a lot of "Explanations" lately...

"Investment Bank explains its role as market maker."

"Bond Rater explains in court that its documents are "free speech only," and not to be "relied upon with confidence" as truly indicative of underlying security performance."

"Money Manager explains its portfolio management approach was sound despite failure to withstand downturn."

"Government explains its role as guarantor of last resort as housing crisis puts Fannie and Freddie on Federal Dole."

Let us explain... “Explanation” is code for “we did you wrong, broke a promise, or failed to deliver and we’re not owning up or even attempting to make it right, but we hope this explanation (excuse, alibi, justification, rationalization, exculpation) is sufficient to forestall the indictment."

I tried that strategy a few times as a teenager, which always resulted in a talk with Dad beginning with the phrase “Now let me get this straight..."

I discovered that no amount of creativity in the Explanation Department would get me off the hook. Perhaps our finance and government sectors didn't have fathers.

From our point of view, one builds a business, a public trust or a brand by making and keeping promises.

Making the promise is the job of Communication and Sales who build a story and tell it repeatedly. When someone "buys it;" Customer Service takes over and the relationship can continue (sometimes for a lifetime) as long as the delivery cycle remains trouble free. Promises Made... Promises Kept!

But when there's a break or a failure of some kind – as in our recent public circumstance – people start questioning the promise; and the "explanations" begin...

Unfortunately, there are limits to the power of stories – which only “symbolize” the meaningful commitment to deliver. An "Explanation" is no substitute for substance. It's not a story or an explanation that's in order – but a sucking it up and delivering on the original promise – or the trust is irretrievably broken.

The staggering number of people, companies, industries and market sectors that have had to resort to "public explanations" make us apprehensive about any public promise. An honest promise was the foundation of "the American Way.” What can or will take its place in the brave new world? Shudder!

Paint the fence, deliver the product, perform as promised, perform a make-good or be gone! And take your self-serving explanation with you! The public is becoming restive with public figures and organizations that attempt to pass a counterfeit promise for legal tender.

Building your career? Make a promise! Frame is as a Story. Tell it the same way in print, in person, on the phone and the web! Again and again and again.
It’s a promise. When someone accepts, never stop delivering!

You'll find there's less need to "read the small print."

Training in Paradise!

“Training in Paradise! It was the best experience
of my career! What you guys have created there is
a Masterpiece!”

– P.D.K.
Participant
(2010)

OK, You’re in a Manhattan conference room with God – and seven of your colleagues.

Your firm has arranged a two day Executive Session with the Creator. And it’s incredible. You’ve been really focused on the message “Personal Creativity and the Power of Free Will” – except the lunch catering interrupted the flow, and the air conditioning isn’t working. The Deity doesn’t appear to notice.

The standard hotel chair starts to bite your hip and you can’t find a comfortable position. But the session’s going well – you like it so much that you don’t complain when you trip over an unshielded network cord. The Lav. Break was 30 minutes and a half mile walk…but there goes a half hour with God.

Uh Oh, Trouble! Your wife is planning a party, and you have to catch the 5:10 train to get home. Much as you hate to break your concentration, you’ve been glancing at your watch this last hour and you’ve lost focus. Then the Blackberry kicks in.

Hey, even God has a hard time teaching in Manhattan.

We’re not claiming to be eternal; we had a hard time too. So we came to Florida and built the best training facility we could imagine.

Ancient truth: It’s impossible to pull the team off the ceiling, if the team won’t “leave their ceiling.” We suggest leaving the ceiling, the city, the family and everything else behind for a few days in paradise to focus on what really matters – The best training of your career.

Weston, Florida. Fusion.

“The best content, the best location, the best facilities. God, it was great!” – M.N.M., Participant

Not everyone sees God in our sessions,
but we’re open to it.

For a Masterpiece of Corporate Development,
call Nina Stetson, Divine Conference Services Diva
800-866-2228

Respect the Watch? Or the Man?

“The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.”

 – Atisha
    Teacher
    (980-1054)

Has respect for “the trappings” of leadership replaced respect for the skills, experience, dedication and charisma of the leader?

Leadership consists in the ability to divine the future, and to set a course for a company, a family, or tribe that successfully navigates the shoals of outrageous fortune and brings us safely through. Leaders are lauded, well paid and respected. They form a small – and exclusive – club.

In the military, recognizing membership of this club is simple: Identify the person exhibiting “Command Presence,” then inspect shoulders and lapels for “Badges of Rank.” In commerce and culture however, the badges are both more numerous and murky – better shoes, suits, smooth pens, private clubs, cars, different colored credit cards, titles (less clear than ever…) and – the expensive watch.

We’re a little concerned that of late, too much respect has been placed on the symbols of leadership; and too little accorded Leadership itself. Don't mistake the symbol for the thing it represents. But how can one discern the difference?

We suggest four criteria:

Strategic Thinking: The leader is looking beyond juicing profits for the upcoming quarter, thinking instead about taking the team to a career or lifetime summit. Great leaders “ignite the imagination of the tribe.”

Communication: “Attention Span” is today an oxymoron. The leader has to seize attention and move people to action – now! No existential analysis please – time’s a wasting! Leaders Get on with it.

Holistic “Servant” Management: “Gorilla Management” presumes that people are to do what they are told and shut up! But a “Long Term Leader” calls to the spirit, the head and the heart. If you feel interested, engaged and excited; you’re in the presence of such a leader. It’s not the suit or the symbol.

“Counselor” Selling: Leadership is all about selling! Seniors, Juniors, the marketplace and clients all must “buy in” -- but not because they’re pushed. Real leaders help us decide and choose a course. They act as our “compass” – helping us find our way. Such leaders know that it’s not about a purchase; but a choice of direction. A beautiful conflict: Patient yet Succinct.

Finding your leader: Search your world for those with these key attributes. Don’t ignore the badges; real leaders certainly have them – look beyond them for the genuine. Then Follow!

In your own life, polish your skills and commitment – see through the appearances; put the substance and experience first! The Rolex can come later.

Listen Your Way To A Sale

"Companies don't do business; people do."
– C. Andrew Lehman
   American Sales Professional
   (1962 -

Ever feel like a sales person was only thinking of their commission and not about how they could serve you? He probably talked non-stop about this month’s hot product and you were so worn down that you said “Yes!” just to get outta there! OK, so who won? The company won because it made a sale. The sales guy won because he earned a commission. But it was a hollow victory. You decided, “I’ll never do business with them again!”

We think everyone should “win” in the sales process – for the long-term. But, what’s a win? By our lights, a win is defined as the greatest good for all concerned which, in this case, turns on the ongoing relationship between the company, the sales guy and the client. The simple truth: Selling is about Relationships, finding a need and serving it.  Again, again and again.

As a sales professional, your job is to bring this about. To do that, you need to sit back and listen until you have a full picture of the client’s needs. Then decide if your product or service is truly right for them. If it is, propose it. If it isn’t, say so. Not only will the client appreciate your honesty (“Wow, I’m not being pushed to buy something!”), they will trust your intention to sell them what they need vs. convincing them to buy something that doesn’t serve them. Congratulations! You’re now their ally – a trusted advisor. The relationship is established – and the client knows you understand them and will propose what is right. Now the door is open for future opportunities.

It’s always about the relationship, and everybody needs to win.

On your next sales call:

• Be an "active listener" to uncover your
  client’s concerns.
• Decide if your product/service is right for this client and position it accordingly.
• Serve them as a trusted advisor.
• Lather, rinse, repeat.

This is an approach your company, your client and you can take to the bank.